


there's a thicket around my heart. the flowers bloom, the thorns are sharp.

by tigerlo



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 16:20:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14877204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigerlo/pseuds/tigerlo
Summary: “When did you know?”“Know what, babe?”“That you loved me?”or, Vanessa asks Charity an important question.





	there's a thicket around my heart. the flowers bloom, the thorns are sharp.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ciprus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ciprus/gifts).



> Ciprus, buddy, you are the most wonderful, beautiful, supportive pen-pal halfway across the bloody world I never thought I'd ever had. Thank _god_ for Ballie, right? I hope you have the best birthday ever. Told you I'd manage to dust this off in time xx
> 
> (also, I actually started this for your prompt _why?_ so it's wonderfully fitting that I get to give this to you for your birthday!)

-

 

Vanessa hums contently from her position sitting on the floor, the sound rumbling through her chest and into her back where it meets Charity’s shins. 

 

Charity is sitting on the couch above her, body pulled forward, her forearms against her thighs as she runs her fingers through Vanessa’s hair, allowing her nails to drag heavily against Vanessa’s scalp. 

 

“Mmmm,” Vanessa mumbles unintelligibly, pushing back into the warmth of Charity behind her. “That’s nice.”

 

“Never pegged you for someone who liked this, you know,” Charity says, and her voice is warm like the room around them, no hint of the storm roaring outside Tug Ghyll. The boys are all sound asleep upstairs, have been for hours, leaving Vanessa and Charity to enjoy the relative solitude of the house. 

 

“What _did_ you peg me for?” Vanessa asks, twisting her body slightly so she can look Charity in the eye and see the smile she knows is on her face. 

 

Charity’s sock-covered toes flutter against Vanessa’s tailbone when she wriggles them and Vanessa squirms away from, throwing a scowl over her shoulder. She hadn’t meant to end up down here, she’d leant down to scoop something off the floor and Charity had said  _ stay there  _ pulling Vanessa back against her knees, sinking her knuckles into the knots of Vanessa’s shoulders about an hour ago, and Vanessa hasn’t moved since. 

 

“Whatever it was, whatever I thought _you_ were, it wasn’t what I got, babe,” Charity laughs gently above her, twisting Vanessa’s hair into a bun atop her head before letting it tumble down around her shoulders again. “Believe you, me.”

 

“Thanks very much,” Vanessa says, and the sulky tone of her voice is mostly teasing. Mostly. 

 

“Come on, Ness,” Charity replies, splaying her fingers against Vanessa scalp, starting at her hairline, dragging backwards, and Vanessa can’t help but groan beneath it. “You know what I mean.”

 

Charity doesn’t indulge in bolstering Vanessa's self-esteem very often, primarily because she doesn’t need to, but it makes moments when Charity does soften and give over a soft admission like that worth pausing to appreciate. 

 

“Can I ask you a something?” Vanessa questions, gripped by opportunity, wondering whether Charity’s sentimentality might stretch a fraction further. 

 

“You mean I’ve got a choice not to answer them all the bleedin’ time?” Charity teases, grinning like the Cheshire Cat before Vanessa pinches the soft skin by her ankle. “Ouch, I’m kidding babe, of course you can, although I might not give you the answer you want after that.”

 

“Don’t be such a baby,” Vanessa scoffs, soothing over the small red mark with soft fingertips. “Those scratches on my back from last week are still as bad as the day you put them there. Moses caught sight of them yesterday and asked me if a cat had a go at work, bless him.”

 

“Who’s bein’ a baby, now?” Charity asks and Vanessa can hear the smirk in her voice. “Hope you told him it was a lion and all. And oi, you weren’t complaining when I put ‘em there.”

 

“Do you want me to kiss it better?” Vanessa asks, leaning down, peeling the leg of Charity’s trousers up so she can bend right over and place a kiss above Charity’s ankle. 

 

She hears a low hum of approval somewhere above her when her hand slides around Charity’s calf, squeezing the muscle in a way that turns the hum into a groan. It’s then that Vanessa realises with a thrill that _this_ might be the best way to extract the information she’s curious about. 

 

Without turning around, Vanessa slides her hand higher beneath the loose fabric of Charity’s trouser leg. Charity’s thighs tense at her sides when Vanessa’s fingers move towards the skin just up Charity's inner thigh where she’s a touch ticklish - it’s a weak spot, Vanessa’s learned. There are a dozen all over her body, in actuality, and Vanessa knows the location of every single one. 

 

“When did you know?” Vanessa asks, leaning her forehead against Charity’s knee as she sits back against the couch and Charity’s legs close around her, her hand sliding to circle around Charity’s ankle. 

 

“Know what, babe?” Charity rumbles above her, and her voice is satisfyingly rough. 

 

“That you loved me?” Vanessa questions, and she had planned to give Charity the privacy of not looking her in the eye while she answered but she’s gripped by a desperate desire to see her, so she turns, rising up on her knees between Charity’s. 

 

The woollen trousers that Charity has on are loose enough that Vanessa can run her hand right up Charity’s leg when she does so, her hand coming to rest on Charity’s knee, her fingers curling past it to find that sweet spot in a way that Charity shivers at when Vanessa leans closer. Charity’s ankles wrap around Vanessa, locking behind her, holding her close, although her hands stay on the edge of the couch cushion, holding herself from touching Vanessa anywhere else. For now. 

 

“Still not shut up about that, have you?” Charity asks, raising an eyebrow high, looking to Vanessa with a completely false air of annoyance, but her lips turn at the sides and Vanessa knows she’s a heartbeat away from a smile. 

 

“Don’t think I ever will, for the record,” Vanessa replies, her hand moving further up Charity’s thigh, as high as the constraint of her pants will allow. 

 

Her thumb sweeps over a spot nice and high - one that Vanessa’s awfully fond of sinking her teeth into - as Charity contemplates her response, her breath catching traitorously, giving her away, and Vanessa wonders how quickly she could get Charity out of these pants to feel the touch of it beneath her lips. 

 

“Hmm, you know what, babe? I don’t think I’m gonna give that up without a bit of payment,” Charity says, biting her lip, looking down at Vanessa with eyes that could melt stone. 

 

“Name your price,” Vanessa offers with a shrug before the expression in Charity’s eyes making her stomach _drop_. 

 

“That’s not how this is going to go, Ness,” Charity replies with a wicked smile, and Vanessa feels the sound of the authority in her voice ripple against her, settle somewhere low between her thighs. “Tell me what you’ll give for it. Is it worth a little to you? Or a lot?”

 

“That you love me?” Vanessa asks, her whole body lighting like a match at the way Charity’s responds beneath her, at the way it pauses itself on a knife-edge, watching for Vanessa’s reply. “That’s worth  _ everything _ , Charity.”

 

She doesn’t often admit it but Vanessa knows what it means to Charity every time they speak of love, every time Vanessa gives it freely, when she offers it open-handed and open-hearted with no expectation of anything in reply. Love has always come at a price for Charity but the debt has always been hers to pay, hers to live with, never anyone else’s, and it’s taken them a long time for Charity to learn that Vanessa’s never has come with conditions or exceptions or a tariff, and never, ever will. 

 

“Well, sounds like you’ve got a fair bit to pay up then, don’t it?” Charity breathes, and Vanessa can see the anticipation of Vanessa’s next move push Charity’s back off the couch, bringing her closer, until they meet from hip to breast. 

 

“Suppose I’d better get started then, hadn’t I?” Vanessa asks innocently, as her hand withdraws from the leg of Charity’s trouser leg to meet its partner at the waist of Charity’s pants. “If you’ll start talking when I do?” 

 

She’s not expecting the kiss, she’d been expecting Charity to hold it back a little longer, but she’s more than happy to wear the surprise. Charity’s hand curls around the back of her neck, so reminiscent of their kiss in Charity’s living room so long ago now, drawing Vanessa to her, parting her lips with a smoothness that makes Vanessa’s bones ache. 

 

Charity’s tongue is demanding against hers, ravenous, it is sometimes when she wants something so desperately from Vanessa but refuses to ask for it, refuses to give up her pride to do so, but Vanessa doesn’t mind, she’s never minded. She’ll give Charity everything she has whether she’s prepared to ask for it or not. She left her pride and her self-control on the floor of that cellar the first time Charity kissed her, and hasn’t missed it for a second since. 

 

They’re out of breath when they part, and Vanessa can feel Charity trembling with the effort required to stop herself hastening Vanessa along. She has the patience of a four-year-old sometimes, but it never fails to make Vanessa’s blood run quicker. She’s made Charity wait more than once, but she’s not prepared to do it tonight, not when she knows what the reward for giving her what she wants is. Her hands pull Charity’s belt free, popping the button of her trousers open easily, and she looks to Charity, her gaze a question.

 

“That’s a bit bold of you, babe,” Charity husks, and it throws goosebumps across Vanessa’s forearms. “Boys could come down any second.”

 

“Lost your sense of adventure, have you?” Vanessa parries, throwing her head in the direction of the arm of the couch. “Reckon you could get that blanket over your lap quicker then their sleepy feet could come down the stairs. Especially with that squeak at the top as a warning.”

 

“God, I love it when you’re bad,” Charity growls, pulling Vanessa to her roughly, their lips meeting, Charity’s teeth scraping over Vanessa’s bottom lip. 

 

She understands how stories like Helen of Troy exist when Charity kisses her sometimes, because she’d tear the world apart to keep this thing between them alive, to keep Charity by her side, to keep the rest of existence at bay to allow them moments like this. 

 

“Just wait till you can see what else I can do,” Vanessa replies, leaning into Charity’s grip on her shirt for a second before pulling away, moving her hands, and Charity’s trousers, down her thighs. 

 

She only gets an inch but it’s all she needs, because Charity lifts her hips and suddenly Vanessa can do the rest, working the heavy fabric down until Charity can free her legs and Vanessa can place her hands on her knees, gently prying her thighs apart. Vanessa knows it’s about as sensible as a fry up pissed when any of the kids could come down and get an eyeful, but Charity makes her reckless sometimes, and she’s never actually been one to deny her self something when she wants it this badly. 

 

Charity knows the score, shifting her hips, allowing Vanessa to scoot closer, to loop her arms under her thighs so Charity’s heels rest against between her shoulder blades and Vanessa’s fingertips can press into the soft skin of her inner thigh when she pulls Charity nearer. She indulges herself, dropping her lips to that magic spot on Charity’s thigh, dragging her teeth for a second before looking up to meet Charity’s eye. 

 

“I want my secret,” Vanessa says clearly, her breath blowing against Charity’s core in a way she knows will be _maddening_. 

 

“Best get to work then, hadn’t you?” Charity replies, and they’re both so bloody stubborn that this could stall, trapped in the immensity of their refusal to move, but Vanessa can see the look in Charity’s eye tonight that tells her she’ll be the one to bend. 

 

It’s gorgeous, when she does, when her back curves for Vanessa, because Vanessa knows how rare a thing it is. How precious. How powerful. 

 

“Or, I could stop? Just go upstairs and sort myself out?” Vanessa suggests innocently, and she moves back just a fraction, just enough for Charity’s eyes to flash, her thighs tightening around her shoulders. 

 

“Don’t you dare,” Charity growls, her hands finally twisting in Vanessa’s shirt to stop her moving an inch more.

 

“So give me a reason to stay,” Vanessa replies smoothly, and it’s almost ironic really, just how many of those Charity offers her on a daily basis without even realising it. 

 

“I think that attitude of yours needs some work, babe,” Charity grumbles, wriggling in Vanessa’s hold a bit before dropping her head against the back of the couch, growling. “A real silver tongue, aren’t you?”

 

“You learn from the best when it’s right beside you, don’t you?” Vanessa says nonchalantly but it breaks a smile clean across Charity’s face. 

 

“I thought it was after I told you about Bails, you know? At first?” Charity says next and it takes Vanessa a moment to process the words, even though they haven’t strayed from their topic. It seems like a ridiculous place for an admission like that now, here, with Charity half naked in Vanessa’s arms, but it couldn’t be more them, either. “You’re the only person who never… you’re the only one who never judged me for it. I think that made me love you, even without anything else.”

 

It’s surprisingly heartfelt, it’s deep, and for a moment Vanessa is conflicted, stuck between wanting to climb up and pull Charity into her arms or kiss her until she can’t breathe. The proper solution is right in front of her though, the thing she promised as payment, so she grins, not even bothering to throw Charity a wink before descending on the glowing warmth between Charity’s thighs. 

 

She hears a strangled  _ Christ, Ness  _ above her but she doesn’t pause or stop, she drinks the taste of Charity in, desperately, gladly, openly, smiling when she feels Charity’s hands fist in her hair. 

 

Vanessa isn’t expecting to hear more, because that’s when she’s always assumed Charity was able to confirm her feelings for her, so she’s surprised enough to stop what she’s doing when she hears Charity speak again. 

 

“It was earlier than that really though,” Charity breathes, husks, and it’s rough her voice, exceedingly so, enough that Vanessa feels the hum of it between her own thighs. “I think it started after the club, because I was so relieved I could barely breathe when we were back in the pub, and you were with me, and not with anyone else. I knew it was different then. I didn’t want to admit it, what it could be, the first few pangs of it. And then those drugs got nicked and you stormed out of the pub and all I could think about was how I _hated_ seeing you like that. That all I wanted to do - as pathetic as it bloody well sounds, was make you smile. And you did. Like I’d given you the winning lottery ticket and not a stupid moustache.”

 

Vanessa leans her cheek against Charity’s inner thigh as she listens, and she can feel her throat constrict, tears prick at her eyes because it’s _so_ early, _much_ earlier than she thought. 

 

“Fell for Cain quick too, you know,” Charity says quietly next, as Vanessa presses small kisses to every inch of skin she can reach. “I really thought that was love too, but I know now it wasn’t, even if it took me years to figure that out. You were though, Ness. You _are_. You’re bloody everything, aren’t you.”

 

Charity’s not the sweeping romantic gesture type, her affection is given in small doses, and gestures, and kisses. Vanessa had been expecting something little when she’d asked, not something like this. Not something so significant. 

 

She could stop this now, she could drag Charity up to bed and have her there, but Vanessa learned a long time ago that the worst thing to do when Charity gives her something like this is to make a song and dance about it. It’s not her, no matter how much she says she loves a spectacle. It’s not them, banging on about it. _This_ is though, taking Charity to pieces quietly in the house that is now their home. 

 

“That was when I knew, too,” Vanessa offers her with open hands before she presses a messy kiss directly to Charity’s core. “I’d been toying with it for a while too, but that afternoon I knew. I felt like the whole world was falling around me but you came and found me. And you made me smile. When I felt utterly  _ hopeless _ , you made me smile.”

 

“Yeah, well, unfortunate side effect when I love you, innit?” Charity speaks through clenched teeth, as she desperately tries to hold herself together, and she says it flippantly, like it’s a consequence and not world-changing. Vanessa knows she means it though, with every inch of her soul. She can  _ feel _ it. 

 

“Say it again,” Vanessa breathes, sinking her teeth into Charity’s inner thigh, because it’s intoxicating, the sound of it coming from Charity’s lips, because she’s never heard anything that sounds sweeter. 

 

Charity’s eyes darken and for a second Vanessa thinks she might hold it back, she might refuse, but it spills from her, like she’s been waiting her entire life to have someone to say it to, and mean it. 

 

“That I love you?” Charity asks, and she sounds coy, her smile curling in question. It’s a surprisingly good look on her, feigned innocence. 

 

“Yeah,” Vanessa nods, letting the heat of her breath move over Charity like a caress, immensely satisfied when Charity’s eyes flutter and a moan escapes with her next breath. “That.”

 

“Something you like hearing, is it?” Charity questions, leaning forward just a fraction so she can trace her index finger along the line of Vanessa’s jaw, and the way that she reaches for Vanessa feels significant, it feels  _ special _ . 

 

“You know it is,” Vanessa replies smoothly, turning her head and catching Charity’s finger between her teeth before she can pull away. 

 

She sucks it hard, until something in Charity snaps and she curls her other free hand in the hair at the nape of Vanessa’s neck, closing her fist, and Vanessa hisses in response. Part of it actually hurts a little, but it’s largely for show, because she knows Charity wanted a reaction, she knows she’ll be hungry for one. 

 

“Why don’t you show me just how much you like hearing that then, Ness?” Charity says, her hand softening, her fingers gently soothing, stroking the back of Vanessa’s neck before her hand slips down the back of Vanessa’s shirt, warm against the bare skin, pulling Vanessa closer to where she’s so desperately needed. 

 

“If you’re lucky, I might just tell you again.”

  
  


-

  
  


They’re wrapped in each other’s arms hours later in bed, their limbs a thorough tangle, indiscernible from one another, when Charity gives up her final secret. 

 

“I know that I act like I don’t give a shit, and nothing touches me but the truth of it is, Ness, I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I have without you,” Charity admits, her breath warm against Vanessa’s shoulder, and her voice is barely above a whisper but Vanessa hears every syllable. 

 

She wants so badly to turn in Charity’s arms and look her in the eye but she knows the second she does that, Charity will stop, so she doesn’t, she just covers Charity’s hand with her own, squeezing tight, encouraging her on with the warmth of her body. 

 

“I’d have given up a long time ago, with all this stuff with Bails. Or self-destructed. I’m good at that, you know? When the pain gets too bad, it’s so much easier to give in and thrash about and cause someone else pain as a distraction from my own,” Charity continues, and Vanessa finds herself a little dumbstruck at Charity’s self-awareness. 

 

Because she’s always known that Charity was far cleverer than half of the people in this village give her credit for, but she’s never really known whether Charity herself understands why she does half the things she does, whether they’re conscious or unconscious, the barbs she throws and the damage she does to other people. 

 

She does now though. 

 

“I know that I do that with you, a bit,” Charity says, and Vanessa can hear the guilt in Charity's voice, her heart pulling with the desire to reach for her. To soothe it. “I know I’m a right cow most of the time, but just…. don’t give up on me, okay?”

 

Vanessa does turn then, because it’s too hard not too, it’s impossible, actually. She rolls in Charity’s arms until she can look her in the eye. Until she can see the pain presented there. 

 

“Never,” Vanessa says desperately, _ardently_ , and it’s the easiest truth she’s ever been able to give to another person. “Never, Charity. I won’t ever give up, I promise.”

 

“Say it again,” Charity whispers against her lips, her hands on Vanessa’s bare hips, pulling her closer, and the miles of naked skin feels scorching against Vanessa’s. 

 

Vanessa understands perfectly then, that a promise to stay, to endure whatever Charity will put them both through is as important, as meaningful to her as love is to Vanessa. 

 

“I. Won’t. Ever. Give. Up,” Vanessa says, punctuating each word with a kiss, until she can feel the tension leave Charity completely, the immense weight curving the bend of her spine easing for just a moment. 

 

“One more time?” Charity asks, but the look of vulnerability retreats with the hunger in her eyes. She’s insatiable sometimes, when Vanessa gives her these assurances. She’s flawless. Vanessa doesn’t mind her asking for them, and she never will, because it means that Charity wants to hear them. That she  _ craves _ the answer. 

 

“Tell me, Ness? Just one more time.”

 

-

**Author's Note:**

> Aside from the fact that it's someone's birthday today, I feel like we all need a bit of smut and fluff after that last ep, right?
> 
> If you haven't seen them, there are a few vanity minifics on my [tumblr](http://tigerlo.tumblr.com) if you want to check them out!
> 
> x


End file.
